Well this is gonna be a story. About me and my buddy Rusty.
Well one day Jamie and Rusty were walking down the street. Eating some potato soup. Yum. Anyway, they met a magical fairy.
"Give me some of your soup and I'll give you three wishes!" Said the fairy. "MY SOUP!" Said Jamie. And Rusty gave the fairy a good Thwack. It was their soup. They love their soup. Mmm. Soup.
So they continue walking eating in the forest, and they run out of soup. "Aw man, I'm out of soup!" Said Rusty. "Dookie!" said Jamie, "Me too!"
So they walked through the forest in search of a trash can to throw their styrofoam bowls away in. Because littering is bad. And Rusty decides to wear his as a hat. Thus he does. Jamie laughed at Rusty and put his bowl on his head too. They looked goofy.
They met a magical squirrel with shiny pink pants! They made it their pet. And Rusty named it Mr. Sparklebritches. And there was much rejoicing. So they continued walking. And then suddenly they just stopped walking and started dancing. Mysterious techno background music filled the air. They danced as Mr. Sparklebritches did some kind of lighting effects with his pants. When the music stopped they started walking again.
"I want to change my name to Francis!" Said Rusty. Jamie liked the idea and agreed. Rusty was called Francis henceforth.
Francis was walking, trying to think of a nicer name for Jamie. He couldn't think of anything. Until he thought of a name. "Jamie! You can be Raymond!" Again, Jamie liked the idea and agreed. Jamie was called Raymond henceforth.
Thus the adventures of Rusty and Jamie were postponed, and the adventures of Francis and Raymond had begun.
They continued walking, Mr. Sparklebritches in hand. And they met a guy. He asked them for some corn. So they gave him some. As they gave him the corn, he said, "HAH! I have stolen your names, Francis and Raymond!" Rusty and Jamie were sad. They were no longer Francis and Raymond.
Rusty leaned against the tree, his face in his arms. He was crying. He wanted his name Francis back. Jamie was doing the same thing. He wanted his name Raymond. Suddenly the mysterious techno music began playing again, and they danced very nicely. After it stopped they were entertained by Mr. Sparklebritches. They loved Mr. Sparklebritches. They hugged him. Then each other. It was one moment of swabbering gayness. (Both kinds) Then the guy that stole their names came and laughed at them. Rusty kicked him in his kneecap. The man yelled nasty words at Rusty. Rusty grabbed his name and Jamie's name from the man's pocket. The man began crying. Jamie pulled out a razor and shaved the mans beard off. The man cried and put on a pink dress then ran away. Jamie and Rusty began screaming "Yay" Because they were now Raymond and Francis again. There was indeed much rejoicing.
As they continued, they came to a cave. "Ooh, creepy. Let's go inside!" Francis said. They met the fairy from the street again inside. He was hungry. Francis and Raymond felt bad for not giving him soup before and gave him their bowl hats. The fairy ate the bowls, but was still sad. "I'm still sad." He said.
"What's wrong?" Raymond asked. "My name is Fred Jones...but i've always wanted my name to be Francis Raymond Jones..." Rusty and Jamie didn't like giving up their names, but this fairy was in dire need of a nice name. So they gave him their names. The fairy was happy and gave them both nice shiny swords, dance lessons, and cuddly soft stuffed animals. Nice presents indeed.
They set out on a new journey: To beat up nasty evil things! But this was too dangerous for Mr. Sparklebritches. So they said their goodbyes, danced to mysterious techno one last time, and went their seperate ways. Mr. Sparklebritches soon ensued a career in proffessional DJing. He was very successful.
Jamie and Rusty walked on the hot mountain with red dirt. It was kinda dusty. And windy too.Whoosh. Anyway, Thermos' in hand, they poured their insanely large amount of coffee into a mug. Then gulped. "Youch! That's hot!" Shouted Rusty. Jamie gulped his as well and began jumping up and down. "I concur!" He exclaimed. As they conversed about the insanely hot coffee, a gopher popped out of the ground. He said, "I am the Dark Lord of the Underground!" he said. "H. E. Double Hockey sticks?" Rusty asked. "No! Your front lawn! I am the Dark Lord Mr. Jenkins the Goofy Gopher!" Jamie and Rusty dropped their coffee mugs and gasped audibly. An army of axe wielding gnomes and also daisy wielding gnomes popped up from the ground. Jamie and Rusty were fearful of their pointy hats. Rusty screamed like a little school girl. Jamie wet his pants. They were scared. Then they realized they had swords. They drew them. "Shing!" they went. Then, The Dark Lord Mr. Jenkins The GOOFY GOPHER started lobbing nuts at them. What kind of nuts? Oh, assorted nuts, like peanuts, cashews, the occasional pecan, stuff like that. Anywho, Jamie and Rusty began saying things like, "Ouch" and "Owee" and "Your nut has pelted me!" then Rusty became angered. He said, "I shall smite thee nasty evil nut tossing goofy gopher of evil nastyness! And your gnomes too!" At this, Rusty charged towards them, and yelled warcry's like, "YARR" or, "BOOGABOOGA" and the occasional growl, and once in a while, "SHAMALAMADINGDONG!" The gnomes wielding daisys became scared and ran away. So did the axe wielding gnomes. Mr. Jenkins the Dark Lord Goofy Gopher Was alone...but persistant. He tossed a nut of doom, which "Nut Of Doom" was written on it with a black sharpie. It landed in Rusty's left nostril. Rusty became enraged, he couldn't smell. Jamie grew tired of this nutty nuttyness, and whipped out a shotgun and blew Mr. Jenkin's nuts off. The ones he was throwing. At this, The Dark Lord Mr. Jenkins the Goofy Gopher became angered. "I'll get you yet, Ramie and Justy! I mean...Jamie and Rusty!" and popped back into the ground. Jamie and Rusty continued their adventure.
"I'm thirsty" Rusty complained. Jamie agreed, and they said, "ICKY WOOKY WAMBAM ZABANG" and it began raining cans of Mountain Dew. And it was good. They stuffed the cans in their backpacks. After gulping a few, they continued.
They were starting to enjoy their adventure of bashing nasty goblins, foiling the plans of bad little gnomes, it was awesome. "This is fun!" Jamie said one day. "I agree!" Rusty said. "But I'm tired of sleeping on the ground." Rusty added. They thought about this. They both went "Hmm......" It was a moment of sheer thinkingness.Until Jamie had an idea. "We'll get a tent!" He said. "Good Idea!" Rusty said. They found the nearest town and purchased two tents. They didn't want to be thought gay, of course not. Because these are two totally ungay guys. So they continued on a road when they met this elf-looking guy. "Hi! I'm Zarblag!" the Elf-looking guy said. "Hi! I'm Jamie!" Rusty said. "Hi! I'm Rusty!" Jamie said. Then they looked at each other. "Er, nevermind. I'm Jamie and He's Rusty!" Jamie said. Zarblag nodded. It was confusion.
Zarblag had told them that he lost his mom. "We're adventurers!" Jamie said. "Yep!" Rusty said. "Ooh! Ooh! Can I hire you to find my mommy!?" Zarblag asked. Rusty and Jamie agreed. They were gonna get 5 dollars to find this guys mom. "She's in that Extremely-suspicious-obviously-someone-waiting-in-ambush-dark forest over there!" Zarblag said. Jamie and Rusty continued toward the Extremely suspicious obviously someone waiting in ambush dark forest. They entered. And were ambushed by tiny people with pointy noses and blue skin! Zarblag then popped behind them and laughed. "Hah! You fell for it! We're bounty hunters out for the bounty that The Dark Lord, Mr. Jenkins the Goofy Gopher has on your head!" He said. "Oh man you got us good!" Jamie said. Rusty and Jamie drew their nice shiny swords. They both went, "ROAWR BABY ROAWR!!" And fought the tiny blue people with pointy noses wielding pointy sticks. They were dangerous. Eep.
They fought and fought and fought. Rusty shoved his sword in one's finger, and that one ran away yelping in pain. But Rusty tossed a rock at him and killed him by giving him a concussion. Jamie kicked one in his head. His head just kinda rolled off his neck. Then they swordfought while heroic music played and they stabbed and slashed them and stuff, then finally stabbed Zarblag together. "Neat!" Said Rusty "Yeah!" said Jamie. Things were looking up for their entertainment level.
As they continued they met Zarblag's mom, she was bound and gagged. They unbound and ungagged her. "Oh thank you for helping me, my bad boy Zarblag did this to me because he wanted to be a bounty hunter." she said. "Yep. He tried to kill us. So we kinda...umm...killed him..." Rusty said. "Oh...okay!" She said, and walked off.
They continued in the dark forest. It began to storm, and they came upon an old creepy house. It was the only shelter. They saw a lady...she looked like a psycho, or like she was on a sugar high...either one, she looked creepy. Jamie and Rusty walked up to her. "H...He's taken my baby....Please.....GET MY BABY!!!!" And she grabbed the collar of both of their shirts as she said "Get my baby." "Okay!" Jamie said. And as they walked off she said, "Don't go in the shadows......they live....in the SHADOWS! AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" She screamed. "Wierd lady." Rusty said. "Indeed." Said Jamie.
They walked in the house. And heard a baby crying. "I hear a baby crying!" Jamie said. "Thank you, Captain Obvious." Rusty said after thwacking Jamie behind the head. Jamie was kind of dumb, but everyone loved him. So they continued and Rusty stepped in a shadow. "Oh look at me, I'm Mr. Big Stuff!" He said and laughed. But as Rusty laughed, something grabbed his ankle. He let out an extremely high pitched girly scream. "OWW! Since when does a guy scream like that?!" A creepy demonic voice said. "Since me!" Rusty said. The thing had let go of his ankle and they had their swords and ran away. It thundered loud. Rusty screamed again and jumped in Jamie's arms. "Umm..." Jamie said. "Hold me Jaymess!" Rusty said. Jamie agreed. They came upon a freakishly tall guy who was freakishly tall. " I.....AM........" He started to say, but Jamie cut him off. "Batman?" Jamie asked. ".....NO. I AM.....NAMTAB!" Rusty and Jamie both went, "Ohhhhhhhhh!" Namtab was scary and yelled at them. "WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE LAIR OF DARKNESS AND PRETTY PINK PONIES!?" He bellowed. "Don't bellow so loud!" Rusty said. "We came to get the baby." Jamie said. And Namtab smiled and said in a nice kind voice, "Oh the baby? Okay right this way his mother is really too scared to come in here, when she drops him off at Zombie & Zombie daycare corporation everyday..." Namtab explained. Rusty and Jamie again let out another, "Ohhhhhhh!" And took the baby. "HEY! COME BACK AFTER YOU GIVE HER THE BABY AND WE CAN DO STUFF." Namtab said. They agreed.
As the woman sat there still creepyfied, they handed her the baby. She soon became uncreepyfied. "Oh thank you! Here have a dollar." And she gave them each a dollar. They danced in jubilation at them recieving 2 whole dollars. Then they went back inside where Namtab awaited.
"What's up with the ankle grabbing shadows?" Jamie asked. "Oh them? They give free hugs." Again, another "Ohhhhh!" Escaped the mouths of Jamie and Rusty. They hung out. Played poker, and even just talked. Namtab became fascinated with Rusty and Jamie's adventures. "I am fascinated with your adventures, Rusty and Jamie." He bellowed. "WOULD YOU QUIT BELLOWING SO LOUD!" Rusty yelled. "Sorry..." Namtab said. Jamie gave Rusty a thwack. It wasn't nice, he was the guest. Namtab gave Jamie a special guitar that when he played certain songs magical things happened. And he gave Rusty a drum set that did the same thing. And they were compact when you said magic words! It was amazing. They set out with musical instruments, swords, and not-so-smart minds in hand...and in head.
Thus, Rusty and Jamie travelled the land playing their instruments very well. They wrote songs. Including the hit songs, "Bottlecaps anonymous," "I wish I were a hamster meyer weiner," "Oh how I love my Kool-aid," "We like to make explosions," "We can rap like white boys," and "Don't stick marbles up your nose." All these are on their album, Jamie and Rusty: The Best Of.
They decided to continue their quest in bashing evil things. So they did. And they kept moving. All of a sudden, The Dark Lord, Mr. Jenkins, The Goofy Gopher came out of the ground. "Gasp!" Rusty and Jamie...er...gasped. "I have come back for vengeance, and this time, I have a giant robot!" TDLMJTGG Said. "Oh yeah? Well we have shiny swords, coffee, cuddly soft animals, and instruments!" Rusty said. Then he stuck out his tongue. But TDLMJTGG got in a giant robot. It was kinda...giant. And pretty big, too. Jamie and Rusty knew what must be done. They tossed their soft animals at the robot, and the robot toppled over! "Nooooooooooooooooo and stuff!" TDLMJTGG screamed. Thus he shot lasers at them...but they missed, and techno began playing, so the lasers were only lighting effects! It was pretty neat. Then Jamie screamed some kind of odd incremint.
Jamie screamed. It confused TDLMJTGG. (Which in case you didn't know, stands for The Dark Lord Mr. Jenkins the Goofy Gopher.) And thus he played his guitar in a very cool song. And began singing. He sang. Rusty said, and began playing the drums. "Yeeeaaah!!!" They both went. "No!!! Your cool songs are too much for me to handle!" TDLMJTGG yelled. Then he blew up. And his spleen landed on Rusty's head. "Ew! Get it off, get it off!" He yelled. Thus Jamie removed it. Their job was complete. The Dark Lord, Mr. Jenkins, The Goofy Gopher, was no more. And they were kind of hungry. So they went home. And ate some potato soup. Then began walking on the street with their soup in hand. And they met a magical fairy! "Give me some of your soup and I'll give you three wishes!" the fairy said. Rusty and Jamie looked at each other. Then they put the fairy in a slingshot and shot him away. They decided that staying home and playing video games would be better for their health, instead of repeating that blasted adventure. So they played video games, cracked jokes at each other, and drank Kool-aid. Life was good. Until Spring Break was over....and school started again. And that, my friends, is another adventure in itself.
Thus, in a nutshell, Rusty and Jamie just played video games and stuff the rest of their lives. And grew up to be successful actors and such. Mr. Sparklebritches has appeared in some of their films. Thus ends, the greatness which is Jamie and Rusty.
